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It’s A New Day, It’s A New Year (Almost): First Thoughts Upon Waking

It’s A New Day, It’s A New Year (Almost): First Thoughts Upon Waking

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Waking up is a hard business. You have to leave the comfort of your cozy bed and go out to face the cold, harsh world. Often, you’re heading to your job when you want to be somewhere else. A variety of thoughts run through our minds when we first open our eyes. Here are some of our first thoughts upon waking. They have a common theme: get more sleep. Come to think of it, that’s not a bad New Year’s resolution.

Shutterstock.com
Shutterstock.com

Oh, that’s some lovely music to soundtrack my dream

You’re still in that lovely dream stage, and haven’t yet realized that the obnoxious ringtone of your alarm has come along to spoil things. You’ll be able to live in that wonderful denial stage for just a few moments, so embrace it wholeheartedly.

CamYoga.co.uk
CamYoga.co.uk

Sh*t! Where is that stupid alarm?!

And now it’s over. You’ve realized that the satanic device known as an alarm clock has powered up, and your sleepy time is over. But for some reason, it’s never where you think it is. You could have sworn it was on your bedside table, but somehow now it’s across the room! Probably from where you threw it 10 minutes ago when the first alarm went off.

AngryTrainerFitness.com
AngryTrainerFitness.com

Ugh, I can’t believe that interrupted my sexy time with (insert hot celebrity here)

Waking up just interrupted your time with Ryan Gosling or Mila Kunis, and you are not happy about it. You were just about to get to the good stuff, if you know what I’m sayin’…

DaniCee.com
DaniCee.com

Who was I kidding with that morning workout?

You were keen last night when you went to bed, sure you’d be able to wake up an hour-and-a-half early to sneak in a workout before the day began. But now that the time’s arrived, you recognize your shortcomings, and the fact that you definitely overestimated your capabilities last night.

GymJunkies.com
GymJunkies.com

It’s OK, I’ll just do some push-ups later

Now comes the time for justifications, when you need to convince yourself that it’s fine to skip that workout. After all, you only had four slices of pizza last night, and that’s basically a vegetable in the first place. You’ll throw in some push-ups, maybe a few crunches after work, and all will be fine.

CartelAgency.com
CartelAgency.com

How many snoozes can I sneak in before work?

Sleep math is a complicated subject, but we’ve all perfected it. You can calculate exactly how many minutes you need between finally dragging your sorry butt out of bed and walking into the door at work, meaning you can figure out pretty quickly exactly how many snooze intervals you can squeeze in. Because who doesn’t love those extra precious minutes interrupted every five minutes by the alarm?

AaronMasterson.com
AaronMasterson.com

I don’t really need breakfast, right?

Of course you don’t! Not if it means you can do another snooze! Breakfast is overrated. All it does is give you energy for the day, boost your metabolism, and start things off on the right note. Nobody wants that. Keep on snoozing, friends.

MensRunningUK.co.uk
MensRunningUK.co.uk

If I powerwalk, I can manage another 20 minutes sleep!

Duh, why didn’t you think of that before? Nobody likes an unhurried, leisurely stroll to work. You prefer to powerwalk, plowing over the elderly, children, pets, and anything else that gets in your way. Or, if you drive to work, you get to be that guy who speeds down the emergency lane in a traffic jam and tries to cut in front of all the other cars. Winning!

TanenbaumTMJ.com
TanenbaumTMJ.com

Actually, I really have to pee

Yeah, you’re not going to be able to talk yourself out of that one. When you have to go, you really have to go. Reality is starting to sink in that your magical sleept has come to an end, and you are going to need to hotfoot it to the bathroom in the next minute or face the consequences.

Pinterest.com
Pinterest.com

OK, I’m up. This day is going to suck

Until you have your coffee, in which case the world becomes an OK place again. Get ready to lather, rinse, and repeat tomorrow!