Leather jackets are cool. Leather pants can even be cool, assuming that you are Mick Jagger. But when it comes to other areas, it may be best to leave the leather alone and pick a new fabric. We’re talking tank tops, shorts, shirts – none of these things need to be leather. Spare a cow’s life and pick out a cotton shirt like everyone else.
You’re not cool for wearing clothing that broadcasts your drug use to the world. Unless you live in a place where it is legal (looking at you, Colorado), you’re just drawing attention to your illegal habits. Plus it makes you look like a 16-year-old stoner who likes to bake in his parents’ basement while listening to the same Bob Marley album on repeat. Again, it’s not cool.
Flatforms are basically just regular shoes with a massive base, making them really hard to balance in, let alone walk in. Yes, they make you taller, but at that point, you might as well just grab a pair of high heels – at least the heel helps you remain upright in any case. And there is no time ever where wedge sneakers are a necessary thing – they are neither fashionable nor practical, so really who thought this one up?
If we wanted to know if you prefer boxers of briefs, we’d ask. But since we didn’t, please keep your pants at a normal place – like at your hips, not at your knees. Seeing grown men waddle down the street because their pants are barely hanging on at mid-thigh is not pleasant.
Peplum can be cute – to an extent. But when every top is intersected with a lone ruffle stretching across the middle, the trend gets old. It’s basically just asking you to crease it every time you sit down. Plus, how on earth would you travel with one of those things?
If your shorts are so short that the pockets hang out the bottom, it’s probably too short. They’re supposed to cover your bits and pieces comfortably, not make people wince every time you head for a set of stairs. Leave an extra inch and you’ll make everyone that much happier.
They’re not opaque, ladies. Please note that if you do choose to wear leggings as pants, your top should be at least long enough to cover your bum and all private bits. Otherwise, you’re giving the world a bit of a show when you walk down the street. Plus, the potential for rips is just too high to chance.
There are two major offenders in the inappropriate hat-wear game: fedoras and knit caps. The two couldn’t be more different, but are both more likely to make you look like an idiot than fashionable. Unless you’re a suave Spaniard, there’s little chance that you can pull off a fedora, and it it’s not snowing and you’re not currently outside, there is no reason for you to be wearing a knit cap. We all know it’s just hiding your bad hair, so stop pretending you’re making a statement.
Yes, the previous slide should have included all inappropriate hat-wear, but I decided that trucker hats were too egregious to not receive their own shout-out. This should have never started, and thus the time for its final demise has come. Unless you actually are a truck driver (in which case there really are plenty of other options for you), a hat made up of mesh should never be gracing your head.
Nobody wants to see that much of your chest hair, gentlemen. A good rule of thumb is: if your neckline is closer to your belly button than to your neck, there is a problem. Nobody’s asking you to wear a turtleneck, but let’s be reasonable.
