We all know that purses are black holes. No matter how often you clean them out, you’ll never be able to find exactly what you’re looking for. There needs to be some sort of device that zeroes in on your cellphone or wallet or car keys immediately and plucks them out of the abyss. One more day of fumbling around in the freezing cold while searching for the keys to the front door, and I may just chuck the whole bag away and break in through a window.
It’s fantastic that we can heat things up in less than a minute with no more than the touch of a button, but what about the opposite? It’s the middle of summer and all you want is a cold beer, but they didn’t have any left in the refrigerated section of the liquor store. Never fear, the reverse microwave is here! Please, somebody get on this ASAP.
Let’s get crazy and add in folding as well, why don’t we? Laundry is one of those necessary evils that we are all faced with (unless you have the good fortune to have a cleaning person, or very attentive significant other). The list of alternatives to doing laundry seems to grow with the pile of dirty clothes does. How fantastic would it be to chuck it in the bin and have it emerge washed, dried, and folded on its own?!
Your version of the Foo Fighters’ “Learn to Fly” has never sounded so good, because now your stellar car drumming skills are amplified for the pleasure of the entire vehicle! Step aside, Dave Grohl, there’s a new badass in town.
Seriously, what can they possibly want? They’ve already been walked, fed, watered, and petted for hours, so why are they still staring at you and whining? Just point this handy pet translator at ‘ole Lassie and figure it out instantly. Plus, cats. While I shudder to think what goes on inside those curious minds, I’m also dying to know.
While part of me thinks that we should all embrace our hangovers — they are a reminder that we shouldn’t go on benders every night of the week, and that we are actually doing irreparable harm to our bodies if we do — they are still pretty rough. It would be sweet to have an easy way out of this one.
Basically, there needs to be a device that you implant in the back of your throat that can turn the four tacos, two milkshakes, and half-dozen donuts you just ate into a green salad and carrot juice. Obesity, begone!
Deodorant is a thing, but it takes the smelly person in question to actually come up with the motivation to use it. Think of a subtle device that could freshen up smelly co-commuters on tomorrow’s train ride, without their knowledge. You’re welcome, world!
Or texting, for that matter, since it’s basically the same thing. It would give you the edge in defensive driving, which would be key to preventing hundreds of accidents, and you could alert authorities to dangerous people on the road. While it’s a sad fact that people make choices that necessitate this type of invention, hundreds of lives could be saved if it were real.
Seriously, how has this not happened yet?
