They’re just like us! They’re smart, cheeky, have opposable thumbs, and are rarely seen without a big grin on. But chimpanzees in the wild are much less inclined to do tricks for you than to demonstrate their predatory nature, and will attack humans with little provocation. If a chimpanzee feels its space or territory is being compromised, expect an extremely powerful animal with extremely large teeth to be on you within seconds.
I know, I know. How can that possibly be a killer? Look at those eyes! They’re just begging you for a cuddle! But beware – the slow loris is one of the only poisonous mammals in the world, storing fatal venom in its elbows. When provoked, the slow loris mixes this venom with saliva to make a powerful toxin capable of causing a human to suffer anaphylactic shock and death.
It’s basically a jumbled mess of an animal, and hardly ever taken seriously. Just look at that beak! But the platypus actually has spurs on its legs that are used for defense (and occasionally aggression), and the males have a serious venom that will cause agonizing muscle spasms in humans. Though it’s not considered deadly in healthy people, it’s not something you want to experience.
Even the biggest pandas still look like stuffed animals that you want to cuddle with in bed. All they do is munch on bamboo all day, making it pretty hard to be afraid of them. But pandas will exhibit extremely aggressive behavior when they feel threatened, and will attack anybody encroaching on their territory or coming too close to their offspring. Adorable faces be damned, these are not mama bears to mess with.
It’s unclear why toy manufacturers thought that teddy bears would make good companions for children. Because while they all look like something you’d like to give a good squeeze, all types of bears – grizzlies, polar bears, black bears, the aforementioned pandas, and the like – are all capable of destroying you, no holds barred.
What? The stories out there are relentless about dolphins saving each other, saving other species, and demonstrating enormous compassion. Plus, the movies! How many movies have dolphin buddies coming to save the day? In reality, bottlenose dolphins have a reputation for sometimes attacking their own children, killing them and mangling the corpses. There is even evidence that some dead dolphins are then played with and occasionally raped, and there is little scientists can do to explain this phenomenon.
It’s hard to grasp that these tiny suckers can actually be dangerous, given that they’re often no bigger than the size of your thumb. But catchy colors and cute features aside, poison dart frogs pack enough toxins to kill the heartiest human. Native Americans used to harvest their toxic secretions to poison the tips of blow darts, which should give you a hint of how poisonous they just might be.
The idea that hippos are cute may be up for debate, but if you look at any of the babies, you’ll have to agree. Regardless, these big guys are easily among nature’s deadliest killers, responsible for more deaths in Africa each year than any other mammal. With their enormous size, hippos often crush humans underfoot or attack with their enormous teeth. They are extremely territorial and protective of their young.
This is not your Fluffy at home. While domestic dogs have been trained for generations, wild dogs are as vicious as any other wild animal out there. Dingos, due to their resemblance to the dogs many people keep as pets, are particularly dangerous and highly intelligent. So as much as you want to grab a rope for a quick game of tug, please, PLEASE, resist the temptation.
It’s the dweebyness of this rather surprisingly hulking creature that may endear them to us, and the anomaly of their diet–ants and small insects–that might make them seem harmless. Actually, they’re quite rapid and deadly. Their giant claws can rip and disembowel a human with a few slashes.
Didn’t your mother tell you to never approach a horse from behind? While not inherently venomous or aggressive, if panicked they can leap, buck, and trample a human to death –it’s happened many times before. There’s also that being-thrown-from-their-back factor, which in the most severe cases has often involved expert equestrians.
Well, the name alone makes it sound like a Cleo of snuggling proportions, eh? When snorkeling through the ocean blue, if you see the colors of this magnificent fish go streaking by, do not be hypnotized enough to reach out. The colors are a result of the extreme volumes of lethal poison they host in their bodies!
The pretty blue dots are adorable but that’s where the cuteness ends. Like the cuttlefish but even more horrendous, this sea creature is one of the world’s most venomous. Found in Pacific and Indian Ocean tide pools and reefs, they will bite if stepped upon or touched, and their poison has no antidote.
Also known as the blowfish, they have undoubtedly the dorkiest, most cheek-pinching facial expression in the sea. Stop before you pinch! The pufferfish’s reaction will be to inflate its cheeks, injecting textrodotoxin from the sharp tiny spikes that sprout suddenly from this action. This cheek juice? It’ll bring you down, real down.
Nope, impossible. With what, knives? Something in the tiny poops they leave around the bread loaf or drilled-into cheese wedges is deadly, and it’s called hantavirus. If inhaled, an infection can follow, and then something called hantavirus pulmonary syndrome (HPS) can take hold, and it can kill a grown man. Better call Jerry!
So sorry, but it’s true. While you should never shy away from the opportunity to cuddle with the furballiest creatures on the planet, baby cats from heaven can also be hell for pregnant women. There’s a parasitic infection called toxoplasmosis that kittens can ingest from feces of other infected cats. If a mother-to-be gets it, it can cause some deadly problems for unborn babies.
The most dangerous animal of all, humans are responsible for more deaths of other humans each year than any other animal on this list. So even when you see that cute girl or guy at the bar checking you out, think about it. The odds aren’t in your favor, my friend.
