Disclaimer: It won’t keep the doctor away, you’ll see him again but until then: one apple is the drugless equivalent to 10 cups of coffee. OK, a little less than that, but its unprocessed sugars will give you morning energy without making you crash like fruit juice will. Seriously, stop drinking fruit juice. Also, don’t just go to work with an apple in hand; remember to have some unprocessed carbs, preferably gluten-free rice bread or oatmeal, and some protein, like a hard-boiled egg or peanut butter on that bread. Disclaimer, Part Two: Eating an apple is hot, and if you do it while casually leaning against a lightpost as your desired candidate for life partner walks by, he/she will lose their footing. Bite in!
Most of us — 93 percent — do not partake of water in the morning. Two glasses are a small portion of your daily physical requirements of 11-plus eight-ounce glasses. Make it two degrees above room temperature unless it’s sweltering summer heat — ice water is not good for your body. Warm water is good for you year-round, but in the morning it will take too long to gulp, and will also make you drowsy. This is biologically proven to jump-start your organs’ functions, like pouring petrol into your lawnmower.
Dance for 10 minutes in your underwear — preferably still at home — or walk/dance briskly down the sidewalk. Listen to whatever you’d like, but really, download “Flashdance.” Irene Cara’s “What a Feeling,” Oscar-winner for Best Song, 1984: life-altering. Always remember the old saying from Zimbabwe, which is a near-mandatory quote: “If you can walk, you can dance.”
No better way to pretend you’re in a musical than to waltz down a new street. Mickey the baker, Cecile the purse vendor…they won’t see you making a brilliant dork of yourself when you’re sashaying one street down from your actual street. These people don’t even know you live one street away, and they might think you’re amusing.
Drastically reducing alcohol intake heightens your energy level. It matters even if you have just one glass of wine a night; your sleep pattern, skin, and liver depend on it. Try abstaining for just one week. You will wake up earlier with more energy, and you will hug yourself. I guarantee, or your next bottle of vodka is on me.
Because even though you would like to give dead flowers to your cubicle flatmate, write a thanks-for-nothing email to the IT guy, or flood your boss’s personal toilet, you should invest instead in the gift of random giving. Your co-workers are actually great, and cool or evil though the boss may be, you’re all in this weird, wonderful hell together. Spend a little more and orchestrate the red velvet cake lovefest, or spend a little less and remind everyone of the joy of doughnut holes.
Up there in the European mountains, where Maria von Trapp spins around until she faints, and Hans yodels with a stein of lager in hand, there are actually real, robust, sons and daughters of the mountains who get at least a month off of work a year for spa treatments. In the 19th century, a Bavarian priest made cold water therapy popular and a healthy way to revitalize. Instead of sticking your arms for 15 minutes in a trough of 14-degree water in the Austrian Alps (as the practice goes), turn your shower to the coldest setting and let the frosty knives rain down upon you. Brim your sink with ice and water, and throw that face under. The end justifies the means…it will shock your vascular system into a healthy submission, and your blood will flow fresh as mountain spring water.
Normally, we drive the typical route to work, laden with traffic back-ups and exhaust fumes. If your workplace is accessible by a back way, take it! Drive down that country road, windows down (recommended especially in winter time for staying alert), put on your favorite driving song (I advocate Tom Cochrane’s “Life is a Highway,”) and floor it. If you live in a major city, and this would make you three hours late to work, then remember your favorite song from 1997. Find it, and sing along, loud.
Yoga is wondrous when you know how to align your spine with contemplative breathing. Wake up 50 minutes early three days a week and join a hot vinyasa class.
Fifteen-to-20 minutes of meditation in the morning before starting the grind is an important thing you can do for your well being. It’s the one time you have to make yourself the center of the universe before you succumb to the universe’s chaos. You have the opportunity to do this every day. Try it the clichéd, guru-like way: cross your legs, butt on a soft mat, palms upwards on your kneecaps, spine erect, your crown shooting straight up towards heaven. Breathe in eight counts, breathe out 10, and slowly. Clear you mind; concentrate on the darkness you see from your closed eyes. Breathing is key. Life has required us to heave away, constrict, deflate, and surpass our means toward wellness. It starts with concentrated respiration and meditation. Honor thyself and pay tribute to this morning — your most magnificent morning yet!
