Aging is a scary business, and we’re reminded every day that youth is fleeting. If you’re on the precipice of retaining your youth and accepting your old age, here are ten signs that you are most definitely getting older. But don’t worry, with age comes wisdom, life experience, and the chance that somebody will give up their seat on the subway for you.
You don’t recover from your hangovers the way you used to
Why are there a million angry men hammering at your brain from inside your skull? How did you ever do this three or four (or five, or six…) days in a row? Your hangovers are now so debilitating, it’s a miracle if you’ve managed to pull yourself off the couch 48-hours later.
In fact, hitting the clubs holds smaller and smaller appeal
But luckily, you don’t indulge quite as much as you used to, since hitting the hottest bars and clubs now holds little to no appeal for you. You’d much rather sit home with a glass of red wine and Netflix instead of spending hours crammed into a club packed out with sweaty bodies and cheap vodka in uncomfortable shoes.
Music has never seemed so loud at concerts and parties
Really, how can anybody hold a conversation in those places? The bumping bass, the never-ending electronic sounds – no, thank you! You can barely hear yourself think, let alone talk!
Every morning, you try to remember how you got hit by that bus the day before
But alas, that’s just your creaky old joints waking up. Treat yourself to an indulgent mattress and some orthopedic inserts, because it’s all just downhill from here. Your body is starting to feel the wear of those years of not treating it right, and will let you know how tired it is every day for the rest of your life.
You’d rather sit in the shade than the sun
Skin cancer is no joke, and those wrinkles will only get worse. You’re gooping up with SPF 1,000 if you do step into the sun, and are most likely wearing one of those giant sun hats as well. Might as well just stay in the shade and play it safe.
You don’t look solely at the bottom shelf when buying booze
Because you’ve been working for more than half your life at this point, you can probably afford something more than a $3 bottle of wine or plastic bottle of liquor. Raise those eyes to mid-level, and treat yourself to something nice!
The thought of having roommates that you’re not married to fills you with despair
Whereas roommates used to be a fact of life, and a welcome one at that, given that you’d always have somebody to pregame with, all you want now is your own space and a clean apartment. Sharing an apartment with somebody you met on Craigslist is so not happening anymore.
Romance becomes more about sharing mortgages than finding true love
Forget true love – you want to buy a house, and there’s no way your can get one on your savings alone. Sure, you’d love to get married, but you’ll probably check their credit score first.
Those “I’m becoming my mother/father” moments happen more and more frequently
You just said, “It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt,” followed by, “I will turn this car around if you don’t stop!” You have become your parents, and it’s terrifying. This is the end.
You wear adult diapers
This is a dead giveaway – you, my friend, are old.