You’re really just being polite, but nobody wants a genuine answer to this. If you respond with anything besides, “Good! You?,” then you’ve completely missed the signal. This is not the time to start lamenting your latest break-up, or the difficulties your mother is having with her health. Just smile and move on.
You’re going to forget in 3.7 seconds anyway, so does it really matter? Names are just a social construct given to us by our parents that define us for the rest of our lives. Fight the system! And yes, this is just a way to try to excuse the fact that I’m horrible at remembering names…
We ask, but it’s really only a formality. If you don’t say yes, that’s too bad, since my fork is already halfway to your plate. Plus, it’ll make you look like a jerk. Don’t be that guy. Just nod and cut me off a bite, thanks. And in that vein…
Read: I already borrowed it/am wearing it, and just wanted to tell you that I took it so you don’t think it went missing later. If you didn’t want me to have it, you shouldn’t have left it in your room with the door closed – that’s obviously an invitation.
I just need to see if you’re free to give me a ride somewhere/help me study/get drunk with me at the bar. I don’t want to hear about your actual plans, just whether or not you’re busy. A simply, “Stuff,” if you’re busy, or “Nothing,” if you’re not, will suffice.
Honestly, I’m just making conversation at this point. I don’t really care what the Chinese characters mean that you got when you were drunk, or that the fire-breathing dragon on your shoulder comes from your childhood pyromaniac tendencies. If it looks cool, that’s good enough, to be honest.
You’ve been dating for eight months, and they’re coming to visit. You don’t really get to say no. Just clear your schedule and prepare to be more charming than you’ve ever been in your life.
The same goes for above – you’re mates, they know you don’t have anything to do that day, and you don’t really have a choice. Of course you don’t actually WANT to help somebody move, but you’re going to do it, and you’ll probably get free pizza and beer out of the deal. Worse things have happened.
This is clearly a leading question to get you to ask ME about my night, which was epic. I want to tell you all about the hot hook-up I brought home and how many Jager bombs I did in the span of 10 minutes. Dude, it was unREAL.
We can all look out the window, or step outside for a second. This is just a last-ditch effort to fill that silence that has been going on for far too long. Any second, somebody is going to pull an “Awkward Jellyfish” and back slowly out of the room.
