So you’ve just returned from the great outdoors! Welcome home! But now you’ve got to readjust to the real world, where the rules of cleanliness and conduct are a bit different. Some will adjust easier than others, but for those that have been away a while, it may be more difficult. Here are 10 signs you’ve been camping too long.
You find it hard to abide by a regular shower regimen
Why would you shower every day? You’re just going to get dirty again. Plus, there’s plenty of space to air out. Except now you’re on a crowded train during rush hour, and your stank is not pleasing to fellow commuters. Please, take a shower.
Indoor plumbing is confusing
What is this crazy flushing business? Why not just dig a hole in the ground? Washing hands? What’s that? These are all tough questions for recently returned campers.
Eating indoors fills you with dread
You’d much prefer to cut your vegetables on the ground and cook them over a small burner with a gas canister. Plus, the ants and other bugs that get in add a nice zing, not to mention extra protein!
The sound of your cell phone going off fills you with dread
You much preferred life out of cell reception range, when you could ignore the calls from parents, bill collectors, bosses, ex-boyfriends, etc. Life was good.
There’s a quarter million emails in your inbox
Similar to the phone, you haven’t been “connected” for some time, so naturally things built up a bit. And your away message most definitely did not deter people from emailing you about house sitting and the neighborhood block party.
The hair situation has gotten a bit out of control
If you’re a dude, this means that you’re probably rocking some serious dreadlocks and a beard for the ages. For chicks, the underarm/leg situation is problematic. It’s time to head to the drugstore and pick up a razor, friends.
You’d rather have a can of beans and jerky than a four-course meal
Your taste buds have changed and all the reductions, flambes, and marinades in the world no longer hold any interest for you. Just grab a can opener and call it a day.
You mistake your car alarm for an avalanche siren
What else would it be? RUN!
You can’t fall asleep without your sleeping bag
There is something phenomenally cozy about being zipped into your bed, with no room to move your arms or legs or to roll over. Mattresses and comforters are for the weak.