Like, really unconditional. Not just the, Ooh-my-gosh, I’m-so-happy-to-see-you, even though you were only-gone-for-two-minutes-to-use-the-bathroom-kind of unconditional love. But the kind of love where they’ll happily listen to your singing (even though you once shattered a window trying to do Whitney Houston); refuse to judge you for your dance moves (even though a different shattered window was the result of your failed twerk attempt), and adoringly watch you practice your stand-up comedy routine in the mirror (What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? An investigator!).
Ah, sorry! I can’t make it to your one-man show tonight – the dog’s been sick. Oh, I’d love to come to Aunt Flo’s for the weekend, but I don’t have anyone to watch Sadie! Shoot, I wish I could help you drive cross country for your move, but big ole’ Fluffy won’t fit in the car with your things.
Four words: the dog threw up.
As much as you want to spend the day in bed with no pants on, the big guy has to go out at some point. So, like the postal service — rain or shine, snow or sleet — you’re trudging to the great outdoors so Finn can do his business by his favorite tree. And his other favorite tree. And his other favorite tr.. wait, how does he still have any pee left?
Meaning that not only can you prevent faithful Okie from rolling around in it/eating it/carrying it home to deposit on your bed, but you can also avoid stepping in it yourself. It’s like a mother’s sixth sense for when her baby is crying — dog owners know if there’s a dead rat or pile of poo in a quarter-mile radius at all times.
Since Sunny has a tendency to jump on anybody or anything that happens past, you immediately know if there’s a baby, old lady, or anybody on crutches about to round the corner. Although this may not have any utility beyond avoiding lawsuits, it’s still a cool skill to have.
Who knew that such fun could be had with such a little thing? Break out the popcorn and prepare to post up on the couch and watch a blank wall for the next four to six hours.
Let’s face it, dogs are a great tool to initiate social interaction, and if your dating life needs a little help, a cute pup can’t hurt. Dog parks are ideal, given that you’ll be surrounded by like-minded dog lovers, and everyone’s literally fenced in together until their endless bundles of energy are ready to leave. And since it’s just weird to be the dogless puppy predator at the dog park, you need to have one of your own.
Seriously, they will stand right by your side the whole time. Staring at you with loving, desperate eyes. Whimpering as though they haven’t eaten in months, despite the fact that they just cleaned their bowl moments before. Whatever, at least you have company for your midnight snacks!
Duh.
