Too much booze
This one is probably the most obvious but most often ignored rule of office party etiquette. Yes, the alcohol is free (at least we hope – this may not be the case if you work at a nonprofit…). But that doesn’t mean that you need to show everyone why you were crowned the tequila king back in your heyday. Keep it classy, or you’ll be waking up curled under your cubicle with hazy memories and a pink slip stapled to your shirt.
Office romances
It’s never a good idea to go down this route, but it’s an especially bad idea to start up a flirtation/tryst/relationship in front of all your other coworkers. Not only will HR most definitely be knocking on your door the next day with some horribly awkward form to fill out, but chances are you and your partner will be office gossip fodder for the next few months. Plus, nobody will want to sit next to you guys in meetings in fear of all the canoodling that might happen.
Inappropriate clothing
Whether its Halloween, Christmas, or just a thanks-for-all-your-hard-work celebration, office parties are a chance to ditch the severe business suits and don something more fun. But still keep in mind the basic rules of office dress – for the ladies, stay away from that super low-cut blouse, short dresses, or mile-high heels you wear to pole-dancing class. And for the gents – it’s not a dive bar, so keep the jeans and tees at home, and seriously – no flipflops. Also, any type of dress-up costume should pass the school test: could you have worn it to school growing up? If the answer’s no, save it for the pub crawl over the weekend.
Posting up at the buffet
Yes, it’s free food, and you should enjoy it. But don’t make it seem like you’re trying to grocery shop by stuffing napkins upon napkins filled with canapés into your bag, or that you’re about to hibernate for winter by shoveling in everything in sight. The first one is rude, and the second makes you a bit difficult to talk to, what with bits of mini quiche and cucumber sandwiches flying out of your mouth.
Work talk
You all just put in a 50-hour week, and this is a PARTY. Save the work talk for Monday morning when you have that all-staff meeting anyway, or you’ll find that your coworkers seem to mysteriously jellyfish away when you approach a group to join in the conversation. Plus, you know nothing you do is that urgent anyway.
Funny but offensive gifts
Whether it’s a hostess gift or your contribution to secret Santa, try to stay away from the gifts you’d more normally see at a friend’s birthday or a bachelorette party. You really shouldn’t be giving your assistant those glow-in-the-dark handcuffs (hello, sexual harassment suit!), and nobody wants a daily calendar of facts about poop.
Abusing the moment
Yes, it’s a great opportunity to meet people outside of your immediate department, and maybe even to connect with those in upper management. But don’t take advantage of the moment and bend your boss’s ear for hours on end about how influential the policy research you conducted was, in the hopes of getting a raise. If anything, it will ensure you won’t be getting a raise.
Bad-mouthing coworkers
I can’t stress this one enough. THEY’RE ALL THERE! You’re not venting with friends at happy hour, miles away from your office. Everything you say is almost guaranteed to be overheard by the wrong party, and you’ll find yourself in some very hot and awkward water the next day. Especially don’t bad-mouth your bosses at the party – they have more power than just making things uncomfortable in the break room.
Loitering
The office party isn’t the time to be the one who’s closing down the club – or, er…office. If there’s a stated closing time, respect it. Even if that means heading to a new venue with some of your cooler coworkers, just be sure not to be the one overstaying their welcome. Especially if the party is being held in someone’s house – when you see the vacuum cleaner being brought out, it’s the same thug as the lights coming on at the club. Seriously, scram.
Cameras
If all else fails, and you’re unable to avoid No. 1-9, just steer clear of the cameras so there’s no evidence. You can always hope everyone else was too drunk to remember.
