You speak in Internet
Hashtagging in conversation, saying LOL out loud (or any combination of ROTFL, SMH, or OMG, etc.), and speaking only in 140 characters are all signs that things have gone too far.
You can’t have an argument without Googling something to prove a point
We’re all guilty of this to some extent, but whatever happened to good-ole shooting from the hip? Put your fact checkers away and focus on the beauty of an argument completely devoid of accurate facts!
You are so good at the Wikipedia game, you can get to Kevin Bacon’s page in way less than six clicks
For those unfamiliar with the Wikipedia game, you are assigned a page to get to using only links on the current article. So after combining that with the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon (i.e. get to Kevin Bacon’s page from absolutely anything), you are a master. For example: Smoot (the unit of length to measure the Harvard bridge) > fraternity > National Lampoon’s Animal House > Kevin Bacon. BOOM.
You’ve forgotten what your face looks like without the perfect filter
Whether you look best under the gentle light of Hudson, or prefer the boldness of Lo-Fi, it’s time to look in the mirror and remember that nobody’s complexion is that perfect. Also, if you try to list your eye color as “vintage brown” on your driver’s license, an intervention is in order.
You prefer stock photos to actual scenery
Sure, a sunset is great, but you’ll never really be able to capture the stark contrast of the colors and the perfect composition of sun and sky. So might as well just stay home and look at desktop backgrounds, right?
You don’t realize that you can’t troll real life the way you can online
The anonymity of the Internet is wonderful, but remember that people know who you are in the real world and you’ll be held accountable for your words and actions. Also, veering off topic to begin an impassioned and aggressive argument about something completely unrelated is incredibly annoying, and most likely won’t be indulged by your friends (if you have any left at this point).
You have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and you’re under 30
Carpal tunnel is usually only found in adults after years of straining their wrists, but your constant blogging and scrolling through the latest Facebook feed has incited early onset.
You’ve forgotten how to use a pen/pencil
You encounter one of those rare times when you’re forced to write by hand – i.e. filling out forms at the doctor’s office or trying to take notes in a meeting/class where no laptops are allowed – and you’re at a loss. When you finally remember how to grip whatever writing utensil has been forced upon you, your handwriting resembles more chicken-scratch meets 2-year-old finger painting than actual words.
You meet Chuck Norris and can only think about how you should update your Facebook status
You have just met the man who can speak Spanish in Russian, but can’t focus because you’re too busy drafting your next status, “Just met Chuck Norris! Went to shake his hand, but he went for the roundhouse kick instead LOL.” Clever.
You made it to the bottom of this list
It wasn’t even a cat video, but you still took the time to click through 11 slides. Was it really worth it?
