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World’s Dumbest Criminals

World’s Dumbest Criminals

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Most of us know that crime doesn’t pay. But if you’re dead-set on committing a crime, you need to be prepared to face the consequences – usually jail time, fines, community service, etc. However, one important punishment the justice system usually leaves out is public shaming, and if you happen to be one of the stupidest criminals ever to try to break the law, you deserve to have your story told. And mocked. And mocked again. So if you don’t want to end up on this list, see if you can refrain from doing the following:

Yep, it's still illegal ThinkStockPhotos
Yep, it’s still illegal
ThinkStockPhotos

Selling weed to your former parole officer
The brilliant Cedrick Barnes of Florence, S.C., found some weed lying around and decided to scroll through his cell contacts to see if there were any takers. Unfortunately, he forget that Steve Quick wasn’t just a buddy, but also his former probation officer, who subsequently contacted the authorities and enabled a police officer to complete the transaction. Barnes and his $1,200 of weed were caught, and he headed back to jail.

Definitely not the easiest target ThinkStockPhotos
Definitely not the easiest target
ThinkStockPhotos

Trying to rob an Olympic fencer
It pays to do some background work before you head out for a burglary, but Pal Nagy of Hungary apparently didn’t have the time or energy. So he unsuspectingly picked Olympic fencer Virgine Ujlaky’s home, during a time she was practicing her sword work. She spotted him out the window and had him pinned to the wall in no time at sword point, making the authorities’ job pretty easy when they arrived.

He thought it was a taxi? ThinkStockPhotos
He thought it was a taxi?
ThinkStockPhotos

Stealing an ambulance to drive home from the police station
Cesar Garcia was arrested on a Sunday morning for drinking inside a grocery store, but was quickly processed, issued a citation, and released. He didn’t feel like making the long walk home, so he decided to “borrow” an ambulance that was waiting outside the police station. He didn’t get too far, and the scuffle with police following the attempted grand theft auto earned him another charge to tack on his quickly-growing rap sheet.

"So would you say there is over or under $300 in the register?" ThinkStockPhotos
“So would you say there is over or under $300 in the register?”
ThinkStockPhotos

Calling ahead to see how much money is on hand before coming in to commit a robbery
It’d be a pain to hold up a convenience store and only make off with a small haul, so Ontario resident Daniel Glen decided to call beforehand to check on things. Given the odd question, however, the store clerk was understandably suspicious and alerted the police. After the fact, they realized Glen was a suspect in two other incidents where he had called ahead before committing a robbery. It’s hard to tell who to be more disappointed in – Glen, for his bad judgment, or the authorities, for letting him get away with it twice before!

Dangerous to your health, in more ways than one ThinkStockPhotos
Dangerous to your health, in more ways than one
ThinkStockPhotos

Lighting a cigarette while siphoning gas
Vade Arrun Bradley had fallen on some hard times in Hayward, California, and was about to be evicted from his home. He probably didn’t have enough money to fill up his gas tank either. So he thought he’d just borrow a bit from some neighbors! But siphoning is hard work, so he took a quick smoke break in the middle, setting the entire carport on fire. Charges of theft, arson, and $200,000 of damages probably didn’t help the eviction case, but at least he got a new home at the county jail!

Dear Diary,  Prison has been really nice so far ThinkStockPhotos
Dear Diary,
Prison has been really nice so far
ThinkStockPhotos

Writing down your robbery plans in your diary
Getaway driver Jonathan Ochola didn’t want to forget his plans for June 12, 2010, so he made sure to write down, “Go to Portsmouth, robbery happens,” making it a bit easier for police to collect evidence against him when he was caught. Guess the privacy rules of the diary don’t apply to law enforcement?

But officer, there just wasn't enough cocaine in this crack rock! ThinkStockPhotos
But officer, there just wasn’t enough cocaine in this crack rock!
ThinkStockPhotos

Complaining to the police about the quality of the crack you just bought
Eloise Reaves had just purchased what she thought was a prime rock of crack cocaine, but was disappointed in its quality. She went up to a sheriff’s deputy to voice her concerns, letting him know that the dealer had mixed in wax with the cocaine, cheapening its value. After taking the rock out of her mouth and placing it on his car, she was arrested for possession of cocaine. Shocker, right?

In gun vs. baseball bat, gun almost always wins ThinkStockPhotos
In gun vs. baseball bat, gun almost always wins
ThinkStockPhotos

Robbing a gun store with a baseball bat
Committing a robbery with a gun will get you a stricter sentence, but it still seems a bit off to attempt a robbery of a gun store armed with nothing but a baseball bat. So Derrick Mosley learned this lesson when he went into an Oregon Discount Gun Sales store and smashed the display counter with his bat. Unsurprisingly, the store owner pulled out his own personal firearm (who would have thought that a gun store owner would also own his own gun?) and held him at gunpoint until police arrived.

Social media - it'll always come around to bite you in the butt GoldenEaglesCoaching.com
Social media – it’ll always come around to bite you in the butt
GoldenEaglesCoaching.com

Sending a Facebook request to the person you just burglarized
In another stroke of burglar brilliance, Juan Gonzales Jr. broke into a woman’s home in Colorado and stole her phone. Shortly after, he friended her on Facebook. Absolutely no rationale can be made for this move, as she immediately identified him and police picked him up based on tracking signals from the phone, along with texts he sent to the victim’s friend – wait, what?

And this is why we have alarm systems ThinkStockPhotos
And this is why we have alarm systems
ThinkStockPhotos

Telling the alarm company your name mid-robbery
After breaking into a restaurant in Fort Meyers Beach and setting off the alarm, Christopher Kron continued to rummage through things. The alarm company called the restaurant and Kron remarkably answered, giving his real name. He left with a bottle of grand marnier and a beer but returned to the restaurant the next day, where he was recognized by an employee from the surveillance footage. Bravo, Mr. Kron. Bravo.