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Best Famous Last Words

Best Famous Last Words

1 of 11

ThinkStockPhotos
ThinkStockPhotos

Everyone thinks that they’re going to say something witty on their deathbed – impart some wisdom to loved ones, discover spirituality, or finally tell everyone the meaning of life. That probably won’t happen. And if you do say something incredibly profound, chances are nobody will remember to write it down. Luckily, however, we do have some meaningful words preserved throughout the years that give us some insight into the minds of the deceased.

ThinkStockPhotos
ThinkStockPhotos

“Mè mou tous kuklous taratte.” (“Don’t disturb my circles!”) – Archimedes, 287-212 BC

Out of context, it would seem as though Archimedes had kind of lost it at the end. A famed mathematician/physicist/engineer/astronomer/inventor and overall big cheese of science, he was killed during the siege of Syracuse, despite orders that he was not to be harmed. He was sitting on the ground and drawing geometry theorems when a Roman solider came to escort him to report to the Roman general. When Archimedes refused to leave his beloved circles, the soldier killed him and was later executed for disobeying orders.

Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca WENN.com

“I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.” – Humphrey Bogart, 1899-1957

Most might have expected Bogart to pull from the all-time most quoted movie in the world for his last words, but instead he offered some life advice for those in the room. When he was filming “The African Queen” in the Belgian Congo in 1951, he reportedly subsisted only on baked beans, canned asparagus, and Scotch whiskey. While nearly everybody on the crew came down with dysentery during the course of filming, Bogart was one of two people who managed to escape unscathed. Something about that Scotch seemed to be working!

Lou Costello NNDB.com
Lou Costello
NNDB.com

“That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted.” – Lou Costello, 1906-1959

The famed Lou Costello played the bumbling, chubby comedian to Bud Abbott’s straight man, and the duo brought the world one of comedy’s greatest gifts in the form of their “Who’s on First?” routine. Costello suffered a heart attack shortly after wrapping filming for “The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock,” and was sent to the hospital. As he seemed to be recovering, he enjoyed an apparently delicious strawberry ice cream soda while at the hospital, but sadly suffered another, fatal, heart attack later in the day. Some newspapers reported that his last words were, “I think I’ll be more comfortable,” but that’s not nearly as fun.

Joan Crawford with her 1946 Academy Award WENN.com
Joan Crawford with her 1946 Academy Award
WENN.com

“Damn it . . . Don’t you dare ask God to help me.” – Joan Crawford, 1904-1977

One of Hollywood’s most prominent actresses of her time, Joan Crawford is best known for her work in “Mildred Pierce,” but also for the not-so-flattering Faye Dunaway portrayal of her in the 1981 film “Mommie Dearest.” A notorious party-girl, she gave up drinking and smoking in 1974 as a result of her return to Christian Science. Thus, on her deathbed, she shouted these words to her housekeeper who had begun to pray aloud. Though the teachings of Christian Science are obviously complex, they do not believe in final judgment, heaven or hell, and feel that dying is simply adjusting to another level of consciousness that is inaccessible to the living.

Karl Marx on an East German banknote ThinkStockPhotos
Karl Marx on an East German banknote
ThinkStockPhotos

“Go on, get out – last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.” – Karl Marx, 1818-1883

Not everybody feels the pressure to have their words immortalized, and Karl Marx seemed to have felt that his legacy was enough. As he is considered one of the most influential figures in human history (apparently writing the “Communist Manifesto” and becoming the father of modern-day socialism will earn you this title), he may be right. So when his housekeeper urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity, he politely demurred.

Oscar Wilde PoetryFoundation
Oscar Wilde
PoetryFoundation

My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go. “ – Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900

Irish writer and poet Oscar Wilde is best remembered for his broad repertoire of work, spanning his novel, “The Picture of Dorian Gray,” to his theater pieces such as “The Importance of Being Earnest.” In 1895, however, he was imprisoned for gross indecency for his relationship with Lord Alfred Douglas, as sodomy was a crime at the time, and was sentenced to two years’ hard labor. Even after his release, he suffered from severe health problems and developed cerebral meningitis. As he was confined to his room in L’Hotel d’Alsace for a long period leading up to his death, it seems as though the wallpaper really got to him. And we all know who won.

Voltaire ThinkStockPhotos
Voltaire
ThinkStockPhotos

“Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” – Voltaire

Voltaire was known for his wit (along with his French Enlightenment philosophy and advocacy for freedom of religion), and seemed to retain it until the very end. As he made more than a few enemies during his life for his attacks on the Catholic Church, there are conflicting versions of his last words. His enemies maintain that he repented and accepted his last rites. But the more popular, and more believable version are these words which he uttered in response to a priest who asked him to renounce Satan. Impressive that he managed to get one last jab in at the church on his way out, no?

Davey Crockett DaveyCrockettFacts.com
Davey Crockett
DaveyCrockettFacts.com

“I’m warning you boys, I’m a screamer.” – Davy Crockett, 1786-1836

This “King of the Wild Frontier” was well known for his larger-than-life antics and famously died fighting at the Alamo, but there is a large volume of controversy surrounding his death. Many accounts have him surrendering during the battle to Gen. Castrillon, after which he was executed as the original orders had been to take no prisoners. It would have been at this time that he uttered these mocking words, but there is also a chance that he died in battle. As the legends about Davy Crockett abound, historians may never know for certain.

General John Sedgwick 925Rebellion.com
General John Sedgwick
925Rebellion.com

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” – General John Sedgwick, 1813-1864 

John Sedgwick was a Union Army general in the U.S. Civil War, and is the winner of most ironic last words by a landslide. The highest-ranking Union casualty, Sedgwick was killed at the beginning of the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House by Confederate sharpshooters. They were about 1,000 yards away when they began firing, causing members of Sedgwick’s corps to duck for cover. The fearless general supposedly strode out into the open and mocked his squad for their cowardice, before he was gunned down after his priceless comment.

Conrad Hilton GoNorway.com
Conrad Hilton
GoNorway.com

Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub.” – Conrad Hilton

When somebody asks for some final words of wisdom, and you are the founder of the Hilton Hotels empire (and are thus well-versed in the annoyances of running a hotel), this might be what you come up with as well. At least it shows that he cares about the housekeeping staff! But his legacy, on top of founding one of the best-known hotel chains in the world, was his final bequest of 97 percent of his entire wealth to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, which works to “relieve the suffering, the distressed, and the destitute.” Now if only we could figure out where Paris Hilton came from…